Stand by the Cross

In this week following Easter, I continue to reflect on three short verses from the Biblical account of Jesus' death that have a new meaning for me now.

"[B]ut standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, 'Woman, behold, your son!' Then he said to the disciple, 'Behold, your mother!' And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home." ~ John 19:25-27 (ESV)

Jesus' closest family and friends were "standing by the cross." They were not running from the cross, or hiding away from the cross. They stood there. They watched Jesus, an innocent man, be mocked and punished. They heard His cries. They saw His blood. They watched their beloved son and friend experience the most agonizing suffering that this world will ever know.

Do you think it was hard for them to stand there? How did they express their grief?

It must have been the most difficult moments of their lives. The deepest love, friendship, and joy that they had ever known, along with all of their hopes and dreams for a new world, all dying before their eyes with each painful breath that Jesus took.

When my father spent weeks in the ICU last year fighting for survival, I experienced a part of what it's like to watch a loved one die. He had emergency surgery on a Saturday, and our family waited to see if he would survive the night. That was a long, hard night for us all. Then when Sunday came, we waited to see if his leg, which had been deprived of circulation for hours in prior days, could be salvaged. We watched that day as his leg showed signs of dying. As his leg continued to die, it was poisoning the rest of his body as well. Early that next morning, I happened to be the person present when the doctors determined that Dad's leg had to be amputated for him to survive. One doctor came to tell me the news and ask for permission to amputate. 

In moments like that, you want to run away from the suffering. You don't want to consent to a surgery that will change the life of your dad in one of two ways: either he will not survive the surgery, or he will lose a leg. You don't want to watch your beloved father suffer any longer. 

Two months later, after caring for my precious grandfather as he slowly died from esophageal cancer, my family sat around his hospital bed as he lived his last hours. The doctors had told us on a Saturday that there was nothing more they could do. We all sat by his side through Sunday. We watched as the blood circulation decreased to his extremities and his body systems gradually shut down. It was as if we were watching a beautiful flame slowly extinguish. Early the next morning, I sat by his side as he breathed his last breath, and he was gone. As we promised my Granddaddy, we took care of my Grandmama for the next 6 weeks until she died.

In moments like these, you simply want to crawl into a hole a million miles away and never come back out. 

But Jesus' family and friends show us a better way. They faced the agonizing suffering, even though it would change them forever. They walked through the suffering and unbearable heartbreak. 

My sweet dad survived the amputation and the difficult recovery. His life will never be the same, but I do believe that he is stronger because of the suffering. The accomplishments that he has made in a year are astounding, including his ability to walk once again. He is ever my hero :-) 

I know that I am stronger because of the suffering. You can read more about my dad's story and my thoughts about walking through suffering here: 

"When the Storm Clouds Clear"

When you experience suffering in any form, you are changed forever. It is impossible to live on this earth and not undergo suffering. Should we run away? Should we insulate ourselves from grief and suffering? 

I must admit that the culture within which I live answers in the affirmative to both of these questions and does a fairly lousy job of dealing with grief and suffering.

In the face of suffering, I believe the answer available for us all is to stand (or collapse) by the cross of Jesus Christ. With the help of Jesus, the Man of Sorrows, we walk through the suffering. "Grief... it's a passage, not a place to stay." The journey looks different for each of us. In the moments when we need to cry, we cry. When we need to scream, we scream. When we need to be still, we rest. And we press on in the journey.

Grief and suffering were not the end of the story for Jesus' loved ones. Christ fulfilled all of their hopes and dreams in ways they could never have imagined.

Suffering is not the end of our stories either. 

I like to drive out to the countryside of Forest Home, Alabama, where my grandparents are buried. It is peaceful, and many of my roots are in that ground. When I am there, I think about how we will be reunited one day because of our trust in Jesus. The end of our story will be a joyful beginning into eternity. The greatest suffering on earth will be but a faint memory one day. 

Friend, Jesus has risen indeed. He defeated death. That is good news to carry us on our journey!

Grandmama's Eulogy

Helen Skipper Moorer – Grandmama

January 21, 1926 - July 6, 2014

Friday, July 11, 2014; White Chapel, Montgomery, Alabama

A few years ago, my Grandmama asked me to give her eulogy. This was almost an impossible request for me to fulfill. On the one hand, she knew that I would do anything in this world for her. On the other hand, she must have known that I would one day stand here heartbroken. Where there is great love, there will be great heartbreak. I am going to try for her.

I am truly honored to speak on behalf of my Grandmama.

The book of Proverbs says this:

A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.

Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.

She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.

She sets about her work vigorously;

her arms are strong for her tasks.

She opens her arms to the poor

and extends her hands to the needy.

She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

“Many women do noble things,

but you surpass them all.”

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Honor her for all that her hands have done…

Grandmama was a woman of noble character, and we honor her today.

Her life started with humble beginnings on January 21, 1926, in Butler County, Alabama. As the second youngest of seven children, Grandmama had a hard childhood working in the family field and managing the family home. During the week, she helped pick cotton, corn, and peanuts. On Saturday, they would go fishing and play ball. And on Sunday, the family went to church, rain or shine. She often said of those days that we would not believe the stories because times had changed so much.

Grandmama loved to tell stories. A favorite story of hers was about one of her first jobs working at VJ Elmore’s Five & Dime in Greenville, Alabama. In the summer of 1949, a young man walked into the store and asked Grandmama about a particular record on display. His name was John Moorer. Grandmama’s cousin also worked at the store and said to Grandmama, “He’s mine!” But when he returned to the store a second time, he wanted Grandmama to assist him again with that same record. At this point in the story, she usually laughed when she explained that he did not own a record player. He was interested in the girl not the record. And they were together ever since. She said that when she looked up and saw that handsome fellow in uniform for the first time, she knew he had to be hers. Grandmama always said it was love at first sight.

Hand in hand, they went on dates to the Ritz Theater in Greenville to catch a picture. They went on walks together in the park in front of the Methodist church in Greenville while they courted. And three months later on October 8, 1949, they married. When they arrived to the courthouse for their marriage license, Grandmama was surprised to see Granddaddy’s mother with him to sign for him. They had not discussed their ages, and she thought to herself “how old is he?” Granddaddy was twenty, and Grandmama was twenty-three.

It was said that their marriage would not last six months. Not only were they married for 64 years, but they were happy together for 64 years. When I became engaged to my husband, Jay, Grandmama encouraged us to enjoy each other every day of our lives regardless of the circumstances. Her wisdom was always profoundly simple.

Their first home together was in Greenville. Grandmama’s parents lived with them. Her father died about five years later, and they moved to Montgomery. Grandmama’s mother moved with them. She would live with them under their care for thirteen years.

My grandparents moved one last time to their forever home on Avondale Road in Montgomery in the early 1950s. For sixty something years, Grandmama managed that house almost flawlessly. She was an immaculate housekeeper. She worked hard to take care of her house and her household.

Grandmama was devoted to her family. She dedicated her life to her husband and children. She became a mother in her thirties. At every opportunity, she would tell you that two of the best days of her life were January 17, 1957 when her daughter was born, and April 20, 1961 when her son was born. She was a mother to Marcia and John, and she loved them unconditionally. She worked hard to raise them. She was proud of them.

Grandmama said to me, “I was so blessed to have been given a daughter and son, your mother and Johnny. And I never forgot to thank God for giving me two of the best children that could be had.”

She was a grandmother to John Bradford, myself, and Mark Tyler. She spoiled us with love! We could not wait to get out of school for the summer, for Thanksgiving, or for Christmas and go visit Grandmama. And she could not wait for us to come. She would always have the house decorated for the holiday or season of year. She would cook our favorite meals during every visit. We will always remember waking up to the smell of bacon, sausage, biscuits, and eggs every morning. I really mean every morning! We loved sitting with her on the porch swing and listening to her stories. She would ask you to tell her everything you knew. If you knew Grandmama, then you knew that she was proud of her grandchildren. She always said that we took being smart after our grandmother.

She told me, “It is a great gift to have a grandchild. Just give your love and enjoy every minute you can. They grow up and they never forget how much they were loved. Being a grandparent means never being too busy that you can’t enjoy every minute that you spend with them. Now that I’m older, I think back when you, Brad, and Mark came and visited. It means so much to think back and remember those days.”

She was right. We will never forget how much we were loved. We visited her as often as possible for as long as we were on this earth together, no matter how old we got. We loved Grandmama dearly. We will miss her dearly.

Grandmama was a great-grandmother to Caton, Luca, Gideon, Kat, and Evie. She loved to spend time with them. She loved to receive pictures of them. They have been shaped early in life by a great woman. Our whole family has.

She never missed an opportunity to tell her family how much she loved us. When we would all gather for holidays or celebrations, she would often give a speech of gratitude about her family. She could talk for a while, and eventually Granddaddy would let her know that it was time to eat. She was always so appreciative of her family and of all the blessings God gave to her.

Grandmama was big on education. She made sure that her children and grandchildren all received educations. They all graduated from college, something my grandparents never had the opportunity to do. My grandparents attended each one of our high school, college, and graduate school graduations.

Not long after I became an attorney, I stopped by my grandparents’ house for lunch one afternoon after I had traveled to Butler County for court. As we sat at the table that day, Grandmama said to me, “Where I came from, no one would have believed that one day I would have a granddaughter who would return to my hometown and stand in a court of law to represent people. I’m just so proud.” Grandmama and Granddaddy made it possible for their children and grandchildren to pursue opportunities that they themselves could only dream about.

After her children grew up, Grandmama truly enjoyed her time in the Eastern Star. She found many friendships during those many years. In a lot of ways, she found her voice as she discovered so many of her gifts and talents. She was not only a wife, and not only a mom. She was also Helen.

Grandmama was a strong woman. She was a fighter. She survived severe childhood sicknesses and lived to be 88 years old. She had a high threshold for pain, and often continued about her work even when injured or sick. It took more than a broken foot or pelvis to slow her down. Up until last year, she still cut her own lawn with a push lawn mower. Not because she had to, but because she wanted to. Grandmama had one speed, which was full speed ahead. She could be stubborn, which Granddaddy did not mind pointing out on occasion. She was always a determined woman, not unlike a freight train.

Grandmama was kind. She was always looking out for everyone else. She did not hesitate to cook for others when they were sick. She was smart, and she was fun. She had a sharp mind all of her life.

She loved her flowers and her yard. Yard work was a kind of therapy for her.

She was a devoted wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and friend.

Grandmama lost her husband, best friend, and my Granddaddy on May 19, 2014. She reunited with him on July 6th. I wish I could have seen that reunion.

Grandmama was surrounded by her beloved family and friends until the end. The book of Psalms says this: “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints.” I had the privilege to be with her when she took her last breath. Truly, it is one of the most important things I will ever do.

Grandmama, you were one of the strongest, most beautiful, and most loving women I have ever known. I will miss our talks and making plans together. And I will miss just being with you. We will all miss you and think of you always. We will try to love others as you did. And we will rejoice when we are with you and Granddaddy again in heaven one day.

Thank you everyone for coming today to honor my Grandmama. If she were here today, she would say “thank you, for everything.” You are welcome to accompany our family to Forest Home for the graveside service and burial at 2:30 this afternoon.

May God’s blessings be with you all. 

Granddaddy's Eulogy

John William Moorer, Sr. – Granddaddy

April 27, 1929 - May 19, 2014

Friday, May 23, 2014; White Chapel, Montgomery, Alabama

I never expected to give my Granddaddy’s eulogy. My Grandmama asked me this week to do it, and Granddaddy taught me early in life that when Grandmama asks you to do something, it is usually best to say “yes ma’am.”

I am truly honored to be standing here on behalf of my Granddaddy.

The book of Proverbs says this:

Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
    bind them around your neck,
    write them on the tablet of your heart.

Then you will win favor and a good name
    in the sight of God and man.

Granddaddy was a man of love and faithfulness to his core, and he carried a good name throughout his life.

His life started with humble beginnings on April 27, 1929 in the small town of Forest Home, Alabama. As the second born of eight boys, he had a hard childhood working the family fields. As young kids, he and his brothers would get wagons for Christmas in order to haul water from a well two miles away. When the boys were older, they would get bicycles to carry fertilizer for the fields. Granddaddy spoke often of Old Blue, their family’s mule. They had many struggles persuading Old Blue to do his job. When they were not working, he told me they had fun playing at Phelpes Swimming Hole.

Granddaddy, his parents, and 6 of his brothers back at the house in Forest Home in 1967

Even as life began to draw him away from Forest Home, he never forgot where he came from. One of my favorite things to do with Granddaddy was to take a ride with him through the country, back to Forest Home. It was so evident that a part of him was always there.

When Granddaddy served in the United States Air Force from 1946-1949 in Japan, he always sent every penny of his pay over $25 back home to his family. He told me that he started following the Alabama Crimson Tide during that time. I believe it was another way for him to stay connected with home. And he never stopped enjoying Alabama football.

 

In the summer of 1949, Granddaddy walked into VJ Elmore’s Five & Dime in Greenville, Alabama, and asked a young female employee about a particular record on display. Her name was Helen Skipper. Helen’s cousin also worked at the store and said to Helen, “He’s mine.” But when Granddaddy returned to the store a second time, he wanted Helen to assist him again with that same record. As it turned out, Granddaddy did not own a record player. He was interested in the girl not the record. And they were together ever since. Grandmama says that when she looked up and saw that handsome fellow in uniform standing in the door of the store, she knew he had to be hers. Granddaddy went home and told his father that he met the girl he was going to marry.

Granddaddy carried this photo of Helen Skipper in his wallet for the rest of his life

Hand in hand, they went on dates to the Ritz Theater in Greenville to catch a picture. They went on walks together in the park in front of the Methodist church in Greenville while they courted. 

And three months later on October 8, 1949, they married. When they arrived to the courthouse for their marriage license, Grandmama was surprised to see Granddaddy’s mother with him to sign for him. They had not discussed their ages, and she thought to herself “how old is he?” Granddaddy was twenty, and Grandmama was twenty-three. She says he was mature beyond his years.

It was said that their marriage would not last six months. They laughed about that for 64 years.

Their first home together was in Greenville. Grandmama’s parents lived with them. Granddaddy got along with his mother-in-law, and spent time with his father-in-law, frequently taking him on rides to Montgomery.

About five years later, after Grandmama’s father died, they moved to Montgomery. Grandmama’s mother moved with them. She would live with them under their care for thirteen years.

My grandparents moved one last time to their forever home on Avondale Road in Montgomery in the early 1950s.

Granddaddy could do most jobs, and did. He did plumbing, sold life insurance, worked at A&P, worked for a fencing company, worked as a security guard at Jackson Hospital for seventeen years, and served as a deputy sheriff for Montgomery County for twenty-seven years, retiring in 1991. He enjoyed wood carving, built most of his house, and could fix things.

Like everything else he did, he worked in order to provide for his family. He worked multiple jobs for most of his career. On weekends, he would go to his mother’s house in Forest Home to see about her and to work the fields.

Granddaddy loved his family. Two of the best days of his life were January 17, 1957 when his daughter was born, and April 20, 1961 when his son was born. He was a father to Marcia and John, and he loved them unconditionally.

He was a grandfather to John Bradford, myself, and Mark Tyler. He spoiled us with love! We could not wait to get out of school for the summer, for Thanksgiving, or for Christmas and go visit Granddaddy. And he could not wait for us to come. We went to the zoo, ate Grandmama’s good cooking, grilled out steaks, went on rides in the country, played in the park, watched Braves baseball, cheered for Alabama football, and sat on the swing on the screened in porch…and we did it all together. We talked life together, and we lived life together. He was the only grandfather we knew, and we loved him dearly. We will miss him dearly.

Granddaddy said that Grandmama could be as stubborn as Old Blue was in his childhood. My parents and brothers never miss an opportunity to tell me that I inherited my Grandmama’s strong will. When I was young and felt the need to exert that strong will, I would “threaten” to run away to Granddaddy’s house. My parents would then offer to help pack my bags. Granddaddy’s house was always a refuge for me. A place to sort out life with Granddaddy.

Granddaddy was a great-grandfather to Caton, Luca, Gideon, Kat, and Evie. He loved to spend time with them. They have been shaped early in life by a great man. Our whole family has.

Because of the hard life and upbringing he had, and because of a long career in law enforcement, Granddaddy should have been distrustful of people. But he wasn’t. If he could help you, he would. He would give up his seat for you. He was grounded. He was generous and kind. He made sure that his children and grandchildren all received educations. They all graduated from college, something my grandparents never had the opportunity to do. Granddaddy was consistent and steady. He loved people with no motives. He had integrity. He let insults roll off of him. He knew how to be content no matter the circumstances. He knew what was important in life. My brother Mark says he was unassumingly extraordinary.

He was a faithful husband, father, grandfather, great-grandfather, and friend.

Granddaddy truly enjoyed his time as a Shriner. He found many friendships during those many years. He always enjoyed talking with people. And he loved being able to help so many children through the work of the Shriners. The only thing he asked to be buried with was his Masonic pins.

Granddaddy always put others before himself. His parents, brothers, his wife, his wife’s family, his children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, his friends, neighbors, even strangers.

He did not have a lot of physical strength in his final days. But as I sat by his hospital bed, he somehow found the strength to take my hand in his, and tenderly kiss my hand. Because he knew I could take that memory with me.

Granddaddy was surrounded by his beloved family and friends until the end. I had the privilege to be beside him when he took his last breath. It is one of the most important things I will ever do.

Granddaddy, we will miss you and think of you always. We will try to love others as you did. And we will rejoice when we are with you again in heaven one day.

Thank you everyone for coming today to honor my Granddaddy. You are welcome to accompany our family to Forest Home for the graveside service and burial at 2:30 this afternoon.

May God’s blessings be with you all.

Ode to Friendship

"One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." (Proverbs 18:24)

Okay, I do not have the gift for writing poetry, so this post is not truly an ode. But it is a post about something that I consider truly amazing and praiseworthy: friendship.

What does friendship look like? I mean the true kind. It is beautiful, priceless, and rare. Often, there exists no blood or legal ties between friends, but rather another kind of deep bond that is difficult to explain and wonderful to experience.  

Friends may share interests, passions, or experiences in common. On the other hand, you may find no rhyme or reason why two people share a friendship. Perhaps they view life or the world in similar ways. No matter the origin, the friendship shown to me has been full of love, selflessness, and sacrifice. 

I think of friends who spend the night in the ICU waiting room with you because your dad may not survive. Or friends who wait with you for long hours at the hospital during emergency surgeries. Friends who work hard side by side with you to make it possible for your dad to come home, and in a wheelchair. Friends who feed you, give you a bed, and provide for your immediate need, with little notice. 

I think of friends who send an encouraging word. And a plethora of encouraging words! Friends who pray for you, again and again. Friends who pray with you. Friends who listen patiently to you talk when you're searching for words, thoughts, and feelings. 

Friends who drive a long way just to meet you at Cracker Barrel to talk for three hours. Friends who give you a hug. Friends who cry with you and rejoice with you. 

Friends who walk through suffering with you.

Friends who walk with you as you find your way. Friends who see you at your lowest and love you even more.

God uses such friendship to restore us with joy. This friendship is much more valuable than gold or riches. A person is fortunate to have one such friend in life, and God has blessed me with many! You can never deserve this kind of friendship. 

I am truly rich. May I be rich towards God, and rich towards others!

~ LJH