When the Storm Clouds Clear

It feels good to have a few moments to write, although I have been dreading this entry in a way.  You see, on January 30th, three days after my last entry, my world changed forever.  A storm hit my family.  Hard.  We are just now emerging from the turmoil.  This is one of those times when you know something big happened around you and inside of you, and you must go through the process of taking inventory, sizing up the damage, and getting your bearings in order to better understand where you are now.  Who you are now.

January 30th was the beginning of weeks when my father lay in the intensive care unit battling for his life.  Nothing can fully prepare you for these periods in life.  When you are faced with the reality of the death of a loved one.  When you encounter a thousand other struggles while walking through the valley of the shadow of death.  For me, it was my dad whose life was hanging in the balance.  The man who held me when I was born, who raised me, who loved me as his daughter, and who helped shaped me into the woman I am today.  These situations are never in the plan.  I never dreamed that I would be within hours of losing my dad before I turned 30 years old.  

For reasons I will probably never know this side of heaven, Dad survived.  Not only did he survive, he made a remarkable recovery!  The doctors had to amputate his left leg in an attempt to save his life.  The amputation did in fact save his life.  On March 19th, he was discharged from rehab and came home in a wheelchair that he could push with his new strength.  I am very proud of his determination to recover and start his second chance at life!  He is in the process of being fitted for a prosthetic leg, so I continue to say, "look out world!"

Suffering is nothing new.  People have suffered in terrible ways throughout history.  Around the world today, countless individuals suffer untold agony.  Through my career alone, I have worked with people who have suffered tremendously.  In my personal life, I have walked with dear friends through unimaginable suffering.  People have experienced similar storms to what my family just went through, and they did not get to see their dad come home.

My experience in this storm of suffering is not nearly as devastating compared to the suffering that so many others endure.  But, one problem with pain and suffering is that you cannot reason it away with logic.  There is a new dynamic to suffering when it finds its way to your core.  When the suffering comes like a sharp knife that pierces your heart and guts you.  When you find yourself in a storm of suffering, and it is impossible to see or feel anything but the suffering.  When your world stops.  The storm hits and you must suffer the storm.  If you are going to continue to live and not die on the inside, you must walk through the suffering.  Through the pain. You must face it, walk through the hundreds of emotions, and experience the battering at your core.  This path is the only way to healing.  

I experienced this time of heartbreak in part because of nearly thirty years of love that my dad had given to me.  I am grateful beyond words that he and I now have more time together on this earth.  More memories to make.  And the hope that saw my family through this dark time will continue to see us through for as long as we live.  Our hope and faith in Jesus Christ.  That He will one day restore all things and heal the nations.

The truth is that we will all suffer for as long as we live.  But one day, there will be no more hurt and no more tears.  One day, my dad will have a new leg and his body will be whole again.  One day, loved ones will be reunited for eternity.  One day, we will be fully healed.  Christ knows the path of suffering better than anyone because he walked it farther than anyone.  May we call on His name for salvation, for life, and for restoration!

I do not fully understand yet how this period of suffering has changed me.  As I look ahead, new storm clouds already form on the horizon.  More doctors having to deliver bad news.  But Christ is my anchor, and I am confident that my anchor holds strong, no matter what storm may come.  My faith reminds me of this truth even when my feelings say otherwise.  I believe that I will be stronger on the other side of the suffering.  I hope that my family will be stronger as well.

Countless people walked through this most recent storm with my family.  From friends who are long-time companions all the way to new friends who we did not know before this new journey.  They fed our souls, truly, and kept us upright.  As my dad asked me in the hospital, how do you say thank you to people who showed compassion and helped you in your time of greatest need?

I hope I will not hesitate to walk with others through their times of suffering.  May we all see Jesus through our suffering and be changed forever in the presence of His healing and love.